


It Happened Before; Either It’s Hero Worship or Obsession.

by maaldas



Series: It Happened Before [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hallucinations, Homophobia, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Neediness, Pre - wincest, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-09
Updated: 2013-04-09
Packaged: 2017-12-07 23:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/754559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maaldas/pseuds/maaldas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally written as fill for this prompt on spnkink_meme After Sam's meltdown at the end of 'Repo Man', the only thing keeping him grounded is Dean's touch. He literally needs skin-to-skin contact with his brother all the time; anything more than half a minute without it and the hellfire starts to sizzle.</p><p>    Cue the two of them holding hands over dinner, Sam lying on Dean's thigh with his face pressed into his bare stomach while they're driving, Dean attempting to use the 'we're not gay he's just my very insecure little brother' excuse so as not to be kicked out of homophobic/family-friendly diners, etc etc. I'd also love to see the comic side of the scenario, with longsuffering!Dean trying to perform regular daily activities (changing clothes, taking a dump, etc) while Sam clings to him like a limpet. Wincest or pre-wincest or even just brotherly Sam+Dean is all fine by me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Happened Before; Either It’s Hero Worship or Obsession.

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt says no more than half a minutes for the hell fire to start to sizzle but I made a slight change and making it ten to fifteen minutes. I’ll explain further in the story. Hope it’s ok.
> 
> Beta: jonjokeat, a wonderful lady!!! Thank you hun!!
> 
> Disclaimer: Not mine.

  
  
Dean is always there when Sam needs him. Always. Sam remembers a time when he worshiped the ground his big brother walked on and always followed him around like a lost puppy, grating on his nerves. He would bitch and moan but never shoved Sam away. Never.   
  
It is as if Dean has some kind of a sixth sense, he’s so very attuned to Sam’s needs. Whenever Sam needs something Dean is there to provide or if it’s out of his power to provide, he will make sure that Sam’s needs are met whatever it takes. It is as if Dean’s sole purpose in life is taking care of Sam. Sam had thought that his four years away at Stanford had got Dean out of the habit but no, they met up and fell straight back into the same routine as if the last four years had been nothing but a dream.  
  
At the time, Sam was just grateful. Losing Jessica like that made him stop thinking about selfishness and he’d just soaked up Dean’s nurturing attention. Thinking back on the way they had been raised there were not many things that Sam was grateful for except Dean. He is very grateful that God made Dean to be his brother because he knows he couldn’t ask for a better one. Dean has that hero complex flowing strong in his veins. More than anything, he has a caregiver complex that he focuses mostly on Sam. That was why it wasn’t a surprise to Sam that when the wall in his mind came down, that Dean was the one who got through to him, past the hellish madness that ran amok inside his head.  
  
Sam’s second wall was built on Dean’s strength. The first stone was Dean and so was the second, the third and fourth and so on and so forth until Sam’s whole foundation was Dean and it screamed family, love, loyalty, devotion, love, honesty, bravery, love…  
  
But once, the honesty stone had crumbled, Sam was left spinning out of control for a week until he was forced to realize that he could not do it alone. This was the very reason why he’d been able to get out of Bobby’s panic room a year ago; because his brother needed him and because they needed each other. It was simply the basic formula of their lives. They were Sam and Dean, heart and soul, body and mind. They couldn’t exist without the other. As fucked up as it sounded, it had been their life for many years. Yes, they were heavily, utterly, fully damn cursed.  
  
So, truthfully, Sam was glad that he had stumbled upon his brother when they both turned up to investigate  a case in that psychic town. It was about time. Sam probably wouldn’t tell Dean about it but a couple of days longer apart and he would definitely have broken. He’d even managed to find that honesty stone again and started to rebuild on it immediately, adding a trust stone on top of it, then family, then love; all of them originating from Dean. He supposed that he would need to hold on to his brother tighter this time around because, seriously, Luci was enjoying messing with him a lot more than he ought.  
  
<<<<<<<<<o>>>>>>>>>  
  
The sun has climbed high by the time Dean greeted the waking world. Turning to his right he found his brother sitting on the edge of his bed, fully clothed and eyes glued to the computer screen on his lap. After doing some stretching, he slowly sat up, rubbing at his eyes with his left hand and slurring, “Time ‘s it?”  
  
“Oh, you’re awake,” Sam answered, eagerness coloring his voice. Dean glimpsed a movement on his right and was just in time to see Sam snatch his right hand back. He looked at his own right hand and frowned. Had Sam been holding his hand while he’d slept?  
  
“Dude, were you just?”  
  
“Alright!” said Sam quickly closing his computer’s lid and standing up. “Let’s roll! We’ve spent too much time in this town.”  
Dean looked up at him, studying the way his brother was nervously standing beside his bed, squirming and twitchy. He couldn’t stand still even for a second. “You a’right?” Dean inquired,  concern on his face.  
  
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine” But Sam’s exaggerated nodding gave the lie to his answer.  
  
“You sure?” Dean pushed him, “‘Cause a few hours ago you were like-”  
  
“No, no, I’m fine, now. Really Dean.”  
  
“Sam listen,” Dean started as he got up and stood in front of his agitated little brother. “You’ve been feeding me that crap ever since your wall came down and I keep watching you fall to pieces. Literally. So, you better be honest with me here because this morning was one hell of a scare, dude.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, you’re right-”  
  
“…and I don’t believe jack shit about it going away with a couple of hours rest,” continued Dean despite his brother’s interruption. “I’m tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop, alright!”  
  
Sam looked truly chastised. He shifted his eyes away from Dean and gritted his teeth making his jaw muscles ripple uncomfortably. Dean gestured to his brother’s bandaged arms saying, “You definitely don’t look okay man."  
  
Dean was a little surprised when Sam quickly grabbed his outstretched hand.  
  
“You’re right, Dean. I’m not okay. Never have been but … can we just… get out of this town first?” Sam begged with his puppy dog eyes in full force. Even after all this time, Dean still hadn’t built a defense against those.  
With a small sigh he relented. “Okay, I’ll round up our stuff. You pack our bags.”  
  
“I’ve already packed them. We’re ready to go.”  
  
Dean looked at Sam for a few seconds then looked at his hand being held in Sam’s enormous one for a few more seconds before he raised his eyebrows, obviously puzzled. “Great! Just wait in the car then. I’ll make a quick check.”  
  
“Okay,” Sam said with another nod of his head and yet, he didn’t let go of Dean’s hand. Instead, he seemed to be fixated on it.  
  
Seriously, this new development in Sam’s behavior was starting to creep him out a little. He’d known for a long time, ever since they were little, that his brother was weird but he was used to it and even thought fondly of it sometimes. So, maybe, he thought, this was just another of Sam’s weird quirks that he’d have to get used to.  
  
“Sam?”  
  
Dean jerked their hands apart and that snapped his brother out of whatever secret of the universe he’d delved into. Man, this was getting weirder and weirder as the day went on. Perhaps it was this town that was giving off some kind of weird vibe. Ever since they’d stepped foot in it, weird shit had been happening. They really needed to haul ass out of there quickly.  
  
Sam kept following Dean around during the two minutes that it took him to make sure that their motel room was clean of their traces. They wouldn’t want another clone running around. After another two minutes was spent returning their room keys and flirting with the cute girl behind the counter, Dean was finally behind the wheel speeding along the quiet road. He kept stealing glances to his right; Sam hadn’t stopped fidgeting beside him since they’d driven out of the motel’s parking lot. As they were passing through the outskirts of the town his squirming got worse, accompanied by sharp jerks and erratic breathing. He also kept looking around the car with tight lips and a deep frown.  
  
When Dean caught sight of his brother he asked, “Sam, you alright?” then reached out his right hand to touch Sam’s shoulder. “Hey, look at me!” Dean’s hand crept onto the back of Sam’s neck forcing his brother to look at him. Sam’s features screamed panic and terror and Dean was sure he’d seen a flash of something red and burning in his eyes which of course set all kinds of alarm bells ringing in his mind.                    
  
“I…” Sam stammered pitifully.  
  
“Why don’t you get some sleep? Obviously, you still not fine… and don’t argue with me!” Dean snapped at him when Sam tried to say something.  
  
“Okay,” Sam whispered, nodding gratefully at Dean. His brother was visibly calmed as he reached up to hold Dean’s wrist in his hand. He closed his eyes for few seconds before he let Dean withdraw his hand although he followed the retreating hand with some kind of a longing expression on his face which Dean couldn’t process. All he could do was retain all the signals and information that Sam unconsciously let out about the depth of his suffering. He promised himself, though, that he would park the car in front of the first motel that they found once they’d passed through  the next two towns and grill his brother for the truth. Sam was stubborn when it came to keeping secrets but this was something that they really couldn’t afford to ignore.  The Leviathan were out to get them and they had successfully infiltrated society even more effectively than demons.  
  
Dean let out a small sigh of relief when he saw Sam slumped down on the seat next to him with his left cheek pressed into the leather back rest. He considered putting a tape on  but was too worried that it would mess with Sam’s head so he settled  for humming instead.  
  
The road was fairly quiet except for the occasional  car passing by. Dean chose to take the back roads of a very small town in order to get to the border of the next town. He drove as fast as he could because ten minutes after falling asleep, Sam had started mumbling and whimpering beside him. His fist curled tight on his lap and his muscles tensed. When the whimpers got louder, Dean called out to him in an effort to wake  him from whatever nightmare had gripped him.  
  
“Sammy,” Dean called and laid his palm on top of Sam’s head to shake him gently awake, his concentration alternating between the road and his sleeping brother. “Sam, wake up!” But Sam stayed asleep although his whimpering slowly lessened as long as Dean kept his hand on him. He waited until Sam looked calm before he released him. Sam stayed quiet for the next twenty miles until Dean saw a road sign marking the border into the next town.  
  
They had been heading south ever since they’d cleared the border of Coeur d’Alene and now they had reached Winchester. Dean had intended to just skip past this town but his stomach had been grumbling for at least half an hour. So, he decided to look for a diner and fill their stomachs first before he thought about their next move. He was contemplating whether to call Frank again or just do the research on his own. Usually they had a kind of system between him and Sam. He obsessed about Dick while Sam looked into their next hunt or whatever weird shit had gotten printed in the morning newspaper. Considering recent developments with his brother’s sanity, Dean doubted he would even want to go on the next hunt. He couldn’t afford to have Sam fall apart in the middle of a hunt.  
  
He felt his brother is waking up. A low moan reached his ears first before the rustling sound of clothes scraping leather. Dean stayed quiet, only watching his brother in his peripheral vision.  
  
Dean knew that Sam was fully awake when his eyes snapped open suddenly with a gasp and he held himself rigid against his side. He looked around the car with a nervous jitter and started slapping the leather seat with his palm. Then he rubbed the dashboard and slapped the window, mumbling something under his breath.  
  
“Sam? What are you doing?” Dean asked but his brother seemed to not hear him.  
  
Somehow, the view Sam was seeing through the window frightened him because the next minute he jumped in surprise and scooted closer to Dean in a jerky movement while he gasped for breath.  
  
“What? W…what’s it?” Dean asked in panic. He looked through the window on Sam’s side but only saw what he expected, the usual side-window view of plain fields and occasional lone houses scattered along the side road. Nothing weird or strange but Sam continued to whimper and that scared Dean.  
  
“Dean… Dean…” Sam looked around the car, calling out to Dean in a frantic voice before suddenly he grabbed the wheel and pulled it sharply to the right screaming, “Look out!”  
  
Dean frantically hit the brake  and clutch pedals while he fought to take back control of the wheel from Sam making the tires screech loudly as the car slumped onto the dirt road forcefully spiting gravel and dust around them. They’d only just missed hitting a tree thanks to Dean’s swift actions.  
  
“God Damn it, Sam!” Dean cursed as he shifted into neutral then grabbed Sam’s shirt with both hands, pressing his brother’s back into the seat. “What’s wrong with you?!” Dean growled. His face contorted in anger, lips thin and jaw clenched, his eyes’ roaming over Sam’s shaken face.  
  
Sam’s body began to shake with wild tremors, he clutched Dean’s arms tight, eyes pitiful and sad. He was gasping for breath as if he’d spent the last hour running and his lips were trembling. Dean’s anger dissipated quickly until only concern was left visible on his face. Sam gulped down his spit before stuttering in a low whisper. “T-t-t…there…re’s … a car. An-n-nn…nn…eighteen wheel … wheeler. It’s gonna … gonna hit … us.”  
  
Dean’s expression became perplexed. He looked closely at the state his brother was in, trembling and frightened. Gone was the usually level headed man with Stanford smart reasoning and annoying smugness. What was left was Sammy, Dean’s four year old little brother who was always crawling under his blanket at night, scared out of his wits. It finally hit Dean.  
  
“What else d’you see, Sam?” asked Dean, voice strong and determined but curbed enough so it didn’t come across as anger. When he refused to answer Dean repeated it. “I’m asking you, Sam. What else do you see?” He spoke slowly as if talking to a real four years old.  
  
Sam whimpered miserably under the strength of his big brother’s gaze and Dean worried that he was about to cry, as his eyes became watery.  
  
“I’ll keep asking even if you won’t tell me. I mean it. We’re not even gonna move from here unless you tell me what’s going on inside your head because I don’t want this happening again. We’ll spend the night here if necessary but I’d rather we have a bed under our asses and a warm shower in the morning. So, either you tell me now so I can kick your ass for almost getting us killed or I’ll kick your ass later no matter what.”  
  
Dean clearly saw in Sam’s eyes that his brother intended to continue to hide his problem but his resolve was getting weaker  
until Sam finally opened his mouth.  
  
“I see him. All the time…and it all starts coming back,” Sam says. His voice breaking on the last words.  
  
“By all, you mean … hell memories?” questioned Dean and Sam didn’t need to answer because Dean already knew. “Didn’t I tell you that it’s not real? Didn’t I show you how to differentiate between what’s real pain and what’s not?”  
  
“You did but … it doesn’t work anymore because I let him in.”  
  
  


 Continue to It happened before, this so called misery shaped hole

 

<<<<<<<<<o>>>>>>>>>

 

  



End file.
